Resilience

Resilience, heck I’m going to need some of this. Not just because I have decided to change my career in my forties but because I have found dog grooming is blooming hard work, both physically and mentally. So, what is it and how do we become better at it?

Advancing despite adversity sums this up brilliantly. Not catastrophizing and crumbling at the first bit of difficulty. I read an interesting article from Harvard University that stated, learning to cope with manageable threats is critical for the development of resilience. Ideally, resilience should be encouraged as early as possible and is why it’s becoming increasingly talked about and implemented into the education system.

Adversity generally means something that causes a stress response. These are daily occurrences for most people (#mumlife), so how we manage this is vital. Although it is key to build resilience in the young it is never too late to continue to develop this skill as we age. So how do we do this?

When things get tough, you have to have a positive mindset. We have probably all heard the term; glass half empty or glass half full. I am and have always been a glass half full kind of girl which helps immensely. I think I am quite tenacious when I need to get something done and refuse to give up, but I do have to be a bit careful of not ploughing on through and being a bit deluded at times.

Have a purpose. This can literally be anything, it does not need to be huge. Purpose in life predicts both health and longevity but can also make us stronger and better at dealing with stressful situations. A study by (Schaefer et.al, 2013) found that by having a purpose in life gives us a protection from negative events, creating resilience through enhanced automatic emotion regulation.

Gratitude, now this one I have found difficult. I will be honest that I get quite pissed off when I see all these influencers and millionaires banging on about keeping a gratitude journal. When in real life, at the end of a really shitty day it’s pretty difficult to find things that you are grateful for. This doesn’t mean there aren’t any of course but not sure this type of gratitude is for me. What I have realised though, is I am already doing this in another way. You will probably think I am mad, and I am not sure who exactly I am talking to when I say thank-you, but I do this quite a lot for just little everyday occurrences. Some wacky examples of this are traffic lights, you know the ones, pop up roadworks kind, when you really need to get somewhere, and they only let about two cars through. Well, when I make it through, I always say thanks! In the supermarket, when you are just starting to lose the will to live and you are in the perfect position when they open a new checkout. Only this morning, I had to go out for a really early dog walk over the Heath in the dark and when I got home, I noticed that one of my favourite earrings was open and half hanging out. So was thankful again as it would definitely had been lost forever. According to (Gloria and Steinhardt, 2016) gratitude enhances our emotional resilience and builds our inner strength to combat stress. Therefore, this is something I am going to continue working on.

There are many more ways to build resilience but for me I think I just have it and I know, and have already had to tap into this for the new job I am undertaking. Dog grooming is really hard and pretty risky as you are working with super sharp blades and a constantly moving target. I never want to hurt a dog and refuse to force them into holding still just so I can get the perfect round face but at the same time I really want to do a good job. Here lies my nemesis and will definitely be my next blog post; perfection! No matter what though it will always be humanity over vanity when it comes to dogs being groomed in my salon.

Who am I?

Well… by the age of 43 you would think I would have a good idea by now. I have come to the conclusion that we are all forever evolving based on what life throws at us. I have some pretty solid core beliefs, but for sure, certain life experiences can bring some major changes.

I grew up in a happy family of four. Mum (Viv) gave up her job (classic for the time) to bring up myself and my older brother (Duncan). I should probably take this quick opportunity to thank him publicly as he designed my logo for me and also made me start building this website, so thanks Duncy! My Dad (Bob) was a hard working firefighter and also coached at rugby clubs such as Harlequins, Saracens and London Scottish. One other key ingredient to every family is a dog and I don’t remember a time that we were without our lovely and loyal German Shepherds. First was Rocky, then came Shane and finally Rory.

As a family, we were heavily involved in sport and I spent many years at swimming and gymnastic clubs. Through my love of sport and wanting to please my father I decided a career in sport sounded like a good plan. Deep down I wanted to be a vet and in hindsight, I am not sure I ever really believed that would be possible. I also take full responsibility of ruining any chances of that by letting my grades slip during my GCSE’s by thinking hanging out with my friends was way more fun!

So PE teacher it was! I went off to St Mary’s University studying Sport Science and completing a PGCE in Secondary Education. My first job was in a Girl’s school in Southwark which was pretty hard work but set me up well. Sadly during my first year teaching, my world fell apart. My Dad who had previously retired found that relaxation wasn’t for him and went back to work training new firefighter recruits in the training centre in Southwark and whilst on a run suffered a fatal heart attack. I don’t want to dwell on this but it is a very significant event and key factor in finally giving me the balls to take control and find my happy.There really is nothing like a huge loss for you to realise life is short. I will forever have a huge whole in my heart but Dad “you will always be remembered by the tracks that you leave”.

Teaching sent me my husband (James) also a PE teacher and soon after came my lovely boys Alfie and Charlie. I took inspiration from my mum and decided to step back from work so I could be around to give them a similar upbringing to my own. I did want to keep my foot in the door of employment so started teaching part time which has given me the opportunity to make my exit plan and build my business gradually alongside without too much risk.

So to conclude, what are my core beliefs? Always work hard but work smart (diligence). I honestly believe for the most part, you get what you deserve from what you are willing to put in. Don’t get me started on relative pay, as I think certain jobs it is ridiculously low in relation to the work/risk, one example being any of our amazing emergency services. Manners and respect are everything, they really cost nothing. I don’t care who or how important you are, always be polite and show respect. To always be caring and empathetic. I like to think I am very naturally caring, I like to look after people (and animals😉) and genuinely feel joy in making other people happy. Finally, never get complacent, there is always something more to learn. So, this is on record, I will continue to strive to always find a way to improve and learn new skills.

Fear

The most troublesome emotion that plagues my thoughts on a daily basis, although I like to think that I am pretty brave. If I were to give into this feeling, I would get nothing done. Even just sitting here now writing this blog I have that funny, uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach and the general internal warmth building, but that could just be early menopause! Typical thoughts are “who do I think I am, writing a blog, who on earth would want to read about me?", “ am I insane to think that I can completely change my career and have any chance of success?”, “ I am completely selfish for risking my families finances just to make myself happy”! These thoughts can be paralysing. For years, I have felt like I am in the wrong job, with very little satisfaction. Don’t get me wrong, it was and still is not a horrible job. There are parts of it I still enjoy. I am also a very proud person and refuse to do a bad job, still going above and beyond because I really do care. So, how do we overcome this fear and start actioning a change?

Well….. I am not going to claim that I have the answers for you, I will just tell you how it came about for me. I am a master of procrastination. I have so many thoughts whirring around inside my head and am full of ideas, yet I often get that feeling of serious overwhelm making procrastinating so easy. I recently read an interesting article on this and found out that it is actually a real coping mechanism for our mental health, so any fellow procrastinators out there, don’t be too hard on yourself! I would have that internal battle with myself where I would find myself moaning and being unhappy, but then doing nothing to make an actual change. Which in turn would just make things worse, getting more and more frustrated. I had to have a serious word with myself and realise, if I really want this, no one is going to do it for me. I have also come to realise that life is very short and after losing someone my Dad, it has pushed me into making key decisions for a happier life.

To begin the whole career changing process I had to find something that I was passionate about, but also utilise my own key qualities. I would say that I am a practical person (pretty important seeing as I have been a PE teacher for the last 20 years) but I am also fairly artistic. I have always been a huge animal lover and in particular of dogs. So this is where I started my research. Like most people in their forties I have a huge mortgage and children to think about. Sadly I do not have a ridiculously rich husband where I can just give up work and start something new on a whim. Therefore, it had to be financially viable too. This is when I set my sights on becoming a dog groomer. Officially there are no laws stating that you have to be trained, with dog grooming being completely unregulated. To be honest, I had no idea how to properly groom a dog and I am quite an anal person when it comes to my creative side, so there was no way that I would be starting a new career without any training. How could I expect anyone who loves their dog to bring them to me wielding super sharp scissors completely clueless in how to use them? So, I got to work with my classic google search ‘best dog grooming course’? As I have mentioned before, I do not do things by halves, therefore I decided to complete a level 3 Diploma once I got over the shock of the cost (not a lot of change from £5000)! I feel I should officially thank my good mother here as she funded me on this one (Viv - you bloody legend)!

Next came the realisation of where exactly I would do the said grooming? Obviously the main plan was job satisfaction but I really wanted to become financially better off too. If you go and work for for someone else’s grooming business, the pay is pretty poor. The other options were mobile, renting a table at an established groomers, opening my own high street salon or setting up from home. I did seriously think about the mobile grooming as it seemed possibly the most affordable (although not cheap) but I came to the conclusion that with petrol costs being extortionate, the amount of space it would take up on the drive and the fact I had my own dog and did not want to leave him on his own all day, this was a non starter. I then started to look at possible locations to rent a building but the cost of this with all the overheads were just out of the question. I really started to like the idea of running my own business, so plans went into motion for setting up from home.

So, here it is. This is how I overcame my fear to make a start on what will be, I am absolutely sure, a very bumpy road to quite possibly delusions of becoming a successful dog groomer. Wish me luck!